Thursday, February 15, 2018

Time for Change - Time for Me

"Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it's selfless.  A better you is more capable to serve others." Live Oola

This is something that is very hard to me to do.  I take care of everyone and everything else before I take care of me.  It's time for a change.  It's time for me.  Sometimes it takes things going on in other peoples lives to put things into perspective for your own life.  That is happening right now.  Someone I know has just been diagnosed with cancer.  If something like that happened to me have I done all that I was supposed to do with my life...Have I lived my purpose?

All I ever wanted to be was a wife and mother, being an art teacher was my back up plan.  So for 19 years I have focused on my children.  They are needing me less and less now that they are 19, 16 and almost 12.  Knowing that and knowing that I want to be there for their children someday and to travel the country with Ken when they are all out of the house, I need to focus on me now and get in shape.  "To be in  your children's memories tomorrow, you need to be in their lives today." Live Oola

I know that what has held me back is being so busy doing things for everyone else that I don't have time for me, and then at the end of the day I'm so tired that I don't want to do anything.  But most of all it's fear.  Fear of being judged by others and fear of failing. About 5 years ago I was exercising with a personal trainer.  I don't like exercising in front of other people, or in front of mirrors.  I feel like I am being judged and I HATE going on the treadmill.  But when I was working out with the personal trainer I felt comfortable.  Until one day he forgot and scheduled an open circuit at my time slot.  That day I had my first anxiety attack.  It was awful.  My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest, I was sweating, crying and couldn't catch my breath.  The way I felt in that moment stopped me from exercising, until now.  For the past year I have been wanting to try something new, a kickboxing class for women, but fear and financial reasons stopped me from joining.  Well last week I did it.  I went to my first class.  OMG it was hard.  It wasn't a kickboxing class, it was a kettle bell class.  I am so grateful to my good friend for coming with me and being my security blanket.  I am looking forward to going trying kickboxing.  I have now gone to 3 classes and have exercised at home twice. 

The other thing that has given me the motivation I need is Oola.  I have been reading "Oola: Find Balance in an Unbalanced World," and following OolaLife on Facebook.  Watching their Facebook live's and getting motivation and direction.  I love the quotes they post on FB and on Pinterest.  Year after year things stay the same and I have become content with that, that's not good.  There is one thing that kept changing and that's a number.  I don't want to say the number out loud or even type it because I don't like it.  But I have come to a point that I have to change it.  I don't want to be afraid any more.  I don't want to stand on the sidelines watching, I want to participate.  This change is not going to be easy, no thing worth it is.  I am finally ready to start.

"Don't fear failure. Fear being in the exact same place next year as you are today." Live Oola

"Stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and start being excited about what could go right." Live Oola


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