Opting Out Shouldn't Be An Option

Opting Out Shouldn't Be An Option

It's that time of year again, STATE TESTING for grades 3-8, in New York.  No one likes to take tests, especially long, 2-3 hour tests, but its part of life.    There are some parents who started a movement a few years ago to opt their children out of taking the state test.  It was a big thing around here.  However to opt your child out of the test you couldn't just keep them home that day, you needed to write an opt out letter and they still had to go to school.  Those students whose parent opted them out of the test still have to sit in a room quietly reading for 2-3 hours so as not to disturb the rest of the building students taking the test. The thing that kids don't understand is that they can't just opt out of tests for the rest of their lives.  Taking the state tests in grades 3-8 is practice for what is to come.  I don't think the test needs to be 2-3 hours long at that age.  I think they should start small and work up to a longer test.  New York State Regents exams are 2-3 hours long and high school students take them.  The SAT is 3 hours long, again for high school students.  I  think at elementary age an hour test would suffice.  Then at middle school a 2 hour test.  This would build their stamina and start preparing them for high school exams. 

We have never let our children opt out of taking the state tests.  We tell them it's good practice and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  We took them when we were in elementary school, back in the ice age, ha ha.  But seriously, you can't opt out of test all your life.  If you want to drive a car you need to take a permit test and a drivers test. If you want to graduate from high school you need to take final exams.  If you want to go to college you need to take entrance exams.  If you want to graduate from college you need to take final exams.  If you want to be come a nurse, a teacher, a doctor, a lawyer, a veterinarian, fire fighters, police officers, a construction worker, a plumber, an auto mechanic, a computer programmer, a secretary, even an athletic trainer you will need to take some type of test to become certified in that field.  You need to know how to read, write and do math.  In every day life you need to know those skills.  And I know some teacher family and friends are going to hate me for this but teachers too need to be tested and graded by their students test results.  In most jobs you take tests regularly to advance in your field and even to keep your job.  Teachers should not be an exception.

A few years ago I compared the "Opt Out Movement" to "breast feeding."  Some people got very offended by that statement.  All I was saying is that there are 2 sides to the both and each side thinks the other side is crazy and wrong.  The "Opt Out" parents and the "breast feeding" moms are very judgey of the people who have their kids take the test much like the moms who bottle feed.  When in fact it's your right to have your own opinion, just dont' shove it in my face. 

By writing this, I'm not trying to shove my opinion in any ones face, it's just that time of year again and it got me thinking again.  Especially because my youngest is in 7th grade now, and came home insisting that she was going to "Opt Out" of the state test.  I of course told her, "no, our family doesn't opt out," and continued to explain to her what I said above.  You can't opt out of life.

Parent for Student vs. Education Today

Parent for Student vs. Education Today

There is an amazing filmmaker, speaker, activist, his name is Prince EA. (Click here to see who Prince EA is.)  He speaks of truth, love, kindness and so much more. He is an inspiration.  The Oola Guys say, “you are designed by God for a purpose.“ (Click here to see what Oola is.) Prince AE and the Oola Guys are truly living their purpose.   My goal is to help my children find and live their purpose.

I was introduced to the work of Prince AE by my 17 year old daughter, Emily.  His messages are very strong and leave lasting impressions. My daughter struggles putting her thoughts into words, but when she does her thoughts are profound.  She has an amazing mind.  She has always been disregarded as shy and quiet. When in fact her mind is not shy and quiet, but it is hard for her to put her thoughts into words. She is a junior Amsterdam High School, in Amsterdam, NY.  She is working on her Girl Scout Gold Award Project.  Her project stemmed from a writing she did a year ago, it was about school one day when she was extremely frustrated. Teachers have always said “she’s just shy."  I always had a feeling that she had more of a struggle then just shyness. She gets excellent grades all year on classwork, homework and in school tests, but any standardized type test since 3rd grade she would fail. The breaking point for her and us as parents was last year during our nightly battle at the table doing homework.  Whenever she would say she didn't understand we would try to help her and then tell her to ask her teachers for help.  Well on that particular day when she in fact did ask for help from a teacher the response was, "I don't understand why you don't understand," at that point Emily shut down, deciding to never ask that teacher for help again.  After discussion about the frustration we decided to get an educational evaluation.  It turns out she has a processing delay and test anxiety. So in fact she does struggle to put her thoughts into words and the professionals agree.  As a result of having her tested she can now get extra time and a separate location when taking tests.  She has showed some improvement, but still not where she wants to be and now is realizing the bigger part to it, test anxiety.

When I watched Prince AE’s video last week, "Teacher vs. Student," I got a lump in my throat, it was very emotional for me to watch.  It was as if my daughter had told him her thoughts.  She is that student watching the clock in class, looking for inspiration and creative education. How and where do we as parents get started to make a change? I told my daughter it starts with one voice, and that voice can be hers. By sharing the video, finishing her Gold Project, getting teachers and administrators to think outside the box, outside the classroom hopefully we can make change.

Her project is an outdoor classroom and an adventure club at the high school.  (click here to see her the blog for her project, still in progress) The idea is to get teens outside, off their phones and experiencing the world around them.  Her writing is there that got it all started.

Is Santa real?

Is Santa real? That is the question my youngest asked her older sister.  My older daughter said, "what do you think?"  My youngest said, "I think it's Mom."  This Christmas was hard because we weren't sure if Amy still believed in Santa or not.  Emily wanted to spill the beans and let the cat out of the bag.  I told her no, it has to happen naturally.  She said but it's all a lie and you tell us not to lie so why are you?  All valid comments.  For the past week or so I have had a huge box in my bedroom that Amy kept asking about.  I told her Santa sent it early and that I didn't know what was in it and I couldn't open it.  Honestly I had no place to keep this box it was so big.  I think when it was opened on Christmas is when she really put it all together.  So after reading what other parents did on Pinterest I decided to write the kids my own letter from Ken and I.  Here is the letter I gave them.  When Amy found it on the tree, she brought it to me I told her to read it to Emily but she didn't want to read it out loud.  So I read it to them and about half way thru it I got choked up and started crying.  This whole thing was so unreal.  When I finished I looked up from the paper and Emily was all red in the face and crying too.  Amy had a tear in her eye and said, "see this is why I didn't want to tell you Mom."

Dear Amy, Emily & Alex too,

Is Santa real? Are you Santa? Who is Santa? How did this all get started?  You tell us not to tell a lie, but you lied to us…

I know you have all been asking these questions and wondering. Sorry but, there really isn’t just one answer to your questions.    And the answers don’t come easy, we had to give it careful thought to not destroy your Christmas Spirit.  Christmas isn’t just about presents.  It’s about believing without seeing.  Christmas is the birth of our Savior, Jesus.  We can’t see him, but we know he is real.  We can’t give Jesus material gifts, but we can love one another the way God loves us.  We can believe, and we can share Christmas joy with others.  That is why we give gifts to each other.  Not just the gifts that we write down on a list but thoughtful things that come from the heart.  Sometimes those gifts are homemade, sometimes they are big or small, and some cannot be measured at all.  If you give with all your heart that is the best gift of all. 

I know that doesn’t really answer your questions either so here is more…

No, we are not Santa.  There is no one Santa.  Santa is bigger than any one person.  Think of Yes Virginia, “There is a Santa Claus.  He exists as certainly as love and joy…No Santa Claus!  Thank God, he lives and lives forever.  A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.”  Santa is everywhere.  Whether or not you believe in Santa Claus is in your heart.  Santa’s touch is felt around the world every year.  Every year he seems to become more popular in countries where he wasn’t before.  If he wasn’t real, how could he do that?  Santa is all about believing.  Everything and everyone changes and grows up, that’s what life is all about.  What you believe today might be different that what you believe tomorrow or even next year.  The most important thing is that you believe in yourself and that you keep the spirit of Santa alive in your heart.  Just like you keep the love of special people in your heart.  If you keep a special place for him in your heart he will exist in the most important place of all.

Yes, it’s true, Dad and I are the ones who fill your stockings and wrap your presents, the same way Grandma & Grandpa and Grammy & Grampy did for us and their parents for them.  And hopefully someday you will do for your children.  You will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning.  Better than any gift that you could give us is watching you open your gifts every year.  The magic that fills the room fills our hearts, and makes memories to last a lifetime.

Keeping the magic alive is a big job, and an important one that needs to last your whole life long.  Santa is also a teacher and we have been his students.  Now you know the secret of how he gets presents all around the world in one night, he has help from all the people whose hearts he has filled with joy.  Now you too must help keep his spirit alive.  With hearts full of love like Daddy and I we help Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible. 

So, no, Dad and I aren’t Santa.  Santa is love, magic, hope, joy, belief and happiness.  We are on Team Santa and now you are too.  We love you all very much and always will. 

Love, Hugs & Kisses,

Mom & Dad

To be a fearless teenager, is so different than being a 40 something parent.  I believe that I have been teaching my kids and giving them the roots to grow and the wings to fly some day.  I remember being afraid of the unknown and yet being fearless at the same time at their ages.  Teenage years and early adulthood are such a confusing time.  You hope that things will get better as you grow.  When are things going to get easier?  Being a parent sure isn't easy.  When they are a toddler you are worried about the things they put in their mouths, about falling and getting hurt.  Then they go to school and you worry about them having friends and feeling included, falling down and getting hurt.  Middle School and High school, you go back to worrying what they put in their mouths, about falling in love and having their hearts broken, getting good grades, driving, and applying to college.  Now they are trying to figure out the path they want to take, college or not, where, how will we pay for it?  And always hoping they make the right decisions.  They say they can take care of themselves but you see the way they take care of the their bedrooms.  They want nice things, but they are all of over the floor.  They don't want you to help them but they are walking around in circles frustrated because they can't find some thing and need to walk out the door.  They don't want to live at home anymore, but they aren't doing what it takes to fly.  Will there ever be a time when I don't worry? Wondering if things are gonna get better...I'm asking why? Time for me to listen to "Stronger," by Mandissa,  "Strong Enough," by Matthew West,  "Greater," by Mercy Me, and "We Believe," by Newsboys

I know that with God all things are possible.  All we have to do is try to hold on a little bit longer and that the difficulties will make us stronger. I am going to let go and let God.  That's all I can do.  Pray for my kids, that they make the right choices, are healthy, happy and loved.  And that they spread their wings and fly some day. 

Disappointment, Setback, Comeback and Change

Early this week my son said, "I know you are disappointed in me. I'm the disappointment child." I told him then that it was not true.  I said no, "I'm the disappointment child. I believe that you can do great things."

Disappointed, I'm NOT disappointed in you.  I'm disappointed in the choices that we ALL continue to make.  It's like we're stuck in the same day, the same week, the same month and the same year.  And we keep making the same mistakes over and over again, never learning from them and never making REAL change.  Why is it that some people have motivation, discipline and drive and can succeed at whatever they try? Why is it that some people continue to fail while others succeed?  I really wish I new the answer.  How do we get out of the rut we are stuck in?  What are we afraid of?  I wrote before about how when we were younger we were ready for adventures and we tried new things.  We picked up and moved where there were better opportunities.  There are things that I love and things that I don't about the position we are in right now.  It takes a lot to confront your demons.  Everyone has them.  Mine are self worth, food and laziness.  That was very hard to say.  I might seem to have it all together but I don't.  I struggle everyday.  I constantly feel that I am being judged by others.  I want to loose weight and get healthy but I never do.  I start out strong and then get lazy and give up.  When the going gets tough, I give up.  I really want to make change but I guess I don't know how to successfully do it, since I haven't been successful at it yet.  I've been reading all of the inspriational quotes on the Oola Facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/OolaLife/ . I decided to type them into a document, print it and hang it up around the house as a reminder.  Hopefully this will work.
They say, believe that there is a comeback for every setback and a new beginning for every ending.  I'm looking for that comeback and new beginning. I will keep the faith and have hope that God will help me to make change.

This morning I spilled all out on my son.  It was like I had this awakening.  I told him, he's ready, and we are ready, it's time for him to FLY.  Time for him to use those wings that we gave him and take the challenge to make change.  I believe in him.  Just like I believe in my girls.  I know they are capable of doing great things.  They just have to try.  I said that when my husband and I were younger we were ready for adventure and we moved and took opportunities that would make things better for our family.  Now it feels like we are a bit stuck and told him NOT to get stuck like us.  GO, spread your wings and FLY.  Don't wait to get your associates degree to transfer, apply now and go. You are ready for the challenge.

Things I Say

Everyone has there own things that they always say, here are some of the things I say...

"I love you.

Have a good day, get all your work done.

Listen and do it the first time.

Follow the golden rule in actions and in words.

Do your best."

I would say that every day when I brought my children to elementary school, then I would kiss them and send them on their way.  The best thing about that is when we were in a hurry and running late my youngest would remind me to say it.  So I knew she had listened for all those years.  It's hard to believe I'm not saying it any more, they aren't little.  This is the time in 15 years that I'm not bringing anyone to school.  

"Doubt means Don't."

If you are in a situation that you don't think is good don't be there.  If you think it's not a good idea then it probably isn't.  

"Wallet, badge, keys, phone.  Drive careful,  have a good day, I love you, bye."

 Every morning I get up with my husband and make his coffee and lunch while he makes and eats his breakfast.  Then I say the same thing as I kiss him goodbye every morning.  

"Time to get up.  Put your feet on the floor and get out of bed."

I call this up the stairs to my girls every morning to wake them up.  I changed the wake up call to this after hearing the camp counselors say it one summer to the girls.  I liked it and it stuck.  Before I used to say. "Wake-y, Wake-y, Eggs and Bacon"

"Wise I like, wise guys I don't."

I always used to say this when my son was fooling around and talking back when he was little. When he was in 5th grade he wrote me a poem for Mother's Day and included that statement in it.  I had it mounted on a plaque and it still hangs in my kitchen today.

"It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt."

An all time classic parent and teacher saying, that I have said many times.

"Rock-a-bye and good night, go to sleep (Alex, Emily or Amy)

Close your eyes fall asleep, go to dreamland.

Close your eyes and fall asleep and tomorrow will come.

And we'll play and have fun until the day is done."

This is the lullaby I sang to my each of my babies every night as I put them to bed.

"Do your best and let God do the rest."

This is something my dad always said to me and I continue to say it to my children.

My children, my world, watching them grow

My children, my world, watching them grow and then someday watching them walk away. I have always lived by two sayings as a mother...

The 1st is:

Give your children roots and wings.  Roots to grow from and wings to fly.

& the 2nd is:

Cleaning and scrubbing

Can wait till tomorrow...

For babies grow up

We've learned to our sorrow...

So quiet down cobwebs...

Dust go to sleep...

I'm rocking my baby

And babies don't keep!!

--by Unknown Author

I was given this saying framed when I had my first child. I have treasured it.  Even though the frame broke I put it on my bulletin board and it has moved with me 3 times.  

My children are growing up. Sometimes it doesn't seem possible. How can I have an almost 19 year old son, an almost 16 year old daughter and a almost 12 year old daughter.  My babies aren't babies anymore.

We can only hope that we are giving them all that they need to succeed in today's world.  When I say that I don't mean the newest phone and the hottest style clothes.  We are teaching our children the value of money.  If they want something more expensive than what we are willing to spend then they need to pay at least half.  Hopefully we have shown them how to have a successful marriage and that its not at 50/50 relationship, it's 100/100.  We have taught them to believe in a greater power and have faith in God.  We tell them to always do their best in everything they do and with faith and prayer God will do the rest.  They know how to cook, do laundry, and sew a button, not because of FACS class in middle school but because we showed them how.  It's all part of being in a family, everyone has to help each other out.  You might not like each other all the time but you love each other.  You aren't going to live together forever but your siblings are your siblings and you don't know how long is forever.  It always amazes me how my girls can be fighting one minute and then helping each other the next.  An amazing thing to see was this summer at the ocean in Rhode Island the girls jumping waves together and even holding each others hand for the big waves.  I love just watching them.  It also shows how much my son has grown into a man when he is standing next to my husband, his father.  I can't believe he's taller than both of us.  My babies are really growing up.

My hope for my children as they continue to grow is that they are healthy, happy, have love and keep their faith. I pray,

"May the Lord bless you and keep you; May the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you; May the Lord lift His countenance upon you, and give you peace."  Numbers 6:24-26

End of an Era, new beginnings

This is so true, although it is hard to do. Support your children, raise them up. Remember that dreams can change. Tell them they can accomplish anything if they put their minds to it. Elementary school is just the beginning. The last few weeks leading up the 5th grade moving up have been emotional for me. But as the day came and went it was a little easier. My youngest is moving up to middle school, as hard as it is to believe, it means new adventures and new friends for her. I will always cherish my years at McNulty, both as a student myself and a parent. I will miss my McNulty family and hope that our paths will continue to cross in the future. Its time to step down from the PTA that I have been on for 15 years and "retire" from subbing. It's time to pass the torch on to others.

Time to focus on taking care of myself, body, mind and spirit.

Awesome Oola Quotes 

Raise Your Children

Post never posted #3...posted today Here's to parents who aren't inconvenienced by their children.  Who don't view it as being stuck at home with the baby, when they can't go out at night.  Parents who value time with their children, who don't pawn their kids off as often as they can with whoever will take them. Who accept responsibility and don't walk away from family. Here's to parents who enjoy being parents. 
Anyone who knows me, really knows me, knows that I live for my children. I didn't have them for someone else to raise and nurture. I love my kids. I thank God for blessing me with 3 wonderful kids!   I'm also very grateful to have a wonderful husband to share the parenting.  I think people need to go back to the beginning when there was a husband and wife and together they raised a family.

"The parent is the strongest statement that the child hears regarding what it means to be alive and real. More than what we say or do, the way we are expresses what we think it means to be alive. So the articulate parent is less a telling than a listening individual. "Quotation by Polly Berrien Berends

Frog in a Mayonnaise Jar

Today Amy went to her friend Grace's birthday party.  When I picked her up she tells me she has a frog.  I said, "really?  Can I see it?"  She proceeds to hand me a zip-lock bag with a tiny frog in it and some grass.  "Can I keep it Momma?" How could I say no to a frog in a zip-lock bag...

When we got home we had to make this frog a proper habitat.  The best we could do was a mayonnaise jar.  Who would have known this would keep a 5 year old busy for hours, just staring at the little frog, now named Hopper.

Of course Hopper was hungry, or so she thought.  We caught a fly for him and put it in the jar, Amy watched him for at least 2 hours, waiting for him to eat the fly.  Amy fell asleep waiting.

Frog vs. Fly

Amy loves her new frog Hopper.



Froggy kisses.

How do you choose your battles?

Lately there have been some issues that I have become quite passionate about.  How do I choose what battle to fight?  And then how far do you take it?  If you don't get your way then what...what will you do next?  My husband asked me just that, he said, "think of the worst outcome...what will you do if it happens?"  I didn't know, that's the problem. What I wanted to say and what the reality of the right thing to do were totally opposite.  My question I guess is...if you know it's a loosing battle do you still fight it?  I'm really struggling with this dilemma.  Recently there were 2 issues in which I am passionate about and have struggled with this question.  When the issue first came to me I wrote a letter right away to express my feelings.  Then like everyone says I sat on it for a day.  I was still bothered by it so decided to make a phone call instead of sending the letter.  After receiving no call back I decided to re-tweak my letter.  Then after talking it over with a good friend I decided not to send the letter because it was just me fighting it.  She said, "if there were 200 of you doing it, I would say send it but it's just you so nothing will change."  Now a different issue has come up and I wrote a new letter.  This time I clicked send.  I voiced my opinion, not sure if in the end it will matter, but I did it.

April Showers bring May Flowers

April has started out just like the saying goes, "April Showers bring May Flowers."  Amy and I didn't let that keep us inside.  We went puddle jumping and singin' and dancin' in the rain. She even took time to smell the flowers.

Signs that Spring is almost here

Even though the first day of Spring isn't until March 20th we are showing signs of Spring here in the northeast.  Our first crockus bloomed today.  Amy had a lot fun picking it and putting it in a vase this afternoon.

Amy 5th Birthday

My baby girl is 5 years old today.  I can't believe it.  It's been a very busy weekend preparing for her parties.  Sunday we had a family party for her and today we had a small tea party with her 2 best friends.  So that meant 2 cakes.  They both came out so cute Amy loved them.  For her family party I made her the cake all little girls dream of, a Barbie cake, hers was Ariel the Little Mermaid. 

For Amy's friend party I made tea sandwiches and tea cup cupcakes.

pat-a-cake

My Cookie Angles helped me make Christmas cookies this year.

It was lots of fun!  It worked out great as soon as I set up their own cookie station and set them on their way.  They used the mini cookie cutters and even the mini rolling pin from their play kitchen.  They worked so good together.  It was so sweet watching Emily helping Amy, showing her how to roll out the dough.

                                                                              Roll it,

and pat it,

and make it into a star,

and bake it in the oven for a Delicious Christmas Treat.

Happy Birthday to my "Little Laura"

My daughter Emily turned 9 the middle of December.  "Little Laura" as my mom calls her.  She really is a "mini me,"  but she is also a truly unique girl.  I will never forget the day she was born, I didn't believe the nurse when she told me I had a girl.  I was so happy, after all I already had a little boy, Alex and now he would have a little sister to protect.  Protect, ha ha, that rarely happens these days, they are 9 and 12 and usually fighting but I know they really love each other.  Emily does have it tough being the middle child and a big sister herself.  With a little sister following her around, it isn't easy.  I should know...I have a little sister too, who when we were little was annoying to me.  Now that we are grown up and have children of our own I'm so glad I have my sister.  I love her very much. 

So Emily...I try to do special things with her since she's the middle child.  We do Girl Scouts together, I'm her Brownie Leader.  On her birthday we went to a play together with some of her Brownie friends and her BFF Kayli.  We then went for gourmet cupcakes at Bettie's Cakes a cupcakery cafe.  The theme of Emily's birthday was cupcakes.  I made her a GIANT cupcake cake for her family party the day before. 

Blow out your candles and Make a Wish!  I hope all your wishes come true, Emily!~ love, Mom

The Spirit of Halloween 2010

This year I really wasn't into the spirit of Halloween.  I didn't decorate the porch like I usually do, I don't know why, I just didn't.  But today as I took pictures of my kids in their Halloween costumes I really got into it.  I was inspired for a little while by a witch and a skeleton.  My little princess didn't want to be photographed  and she didn't want to get dressed up either.  Until this afternoon she too was a witch.  Emily was a green and black witch and Amy was supposed to be an orange and black witch.  But when it was time to get ready she didn't want anything to do with it.  Oh well at least I got pictures of her after her party at school.  Amy was trying on my witches hat and holding onto it tightly as the wind kept blowing it off.  Finally some inspiration.